why do we make such a meal of coffee?

Nobody would argue that it’s much easier to get a decent cup of coffee today in the UK as compared with say 10 years ago. There’s a choice of coffee shops on the high street and most half way decent restaurants and pubs (gastro and otherwise) boast an Italian espresso machine. Perhaps this is what that nice Mister Blair meant when he promised us a Mediterranean cafe culture if we liberalised licensing hours.

I really appreciate this change, check out my strapline above, and I shouldn’t be churlish but why do we make such a meal of it? Compared with countries which have appreciated good coffee for decades maybe centuries we do make buying and drinking a decent cup of coffee seem such hard work. And that’s before you start to worry about what we’re being charged for the privilege.

I’ve got 3 complaints. Complaint number 1 is choice. Not the choice of venues because that’s a good thing but the choice offered within the shop. In Spain it’s maybe 4 alternatives. Here it’s factorial arithmetic. 3 sizes times 6 types times 5 flavours times 3 milk strengths times 2 caffeine contents. That’s 540! Do we really need this choice? Does it improve the coffee experience? Somehow I doubt it.

Complaint number 2 is the size of the cup. A small these days is equivalent to the standard in Italy. Why must we have regular and large? I drink a cup of coffee because I enjoy the flavour and the all round experience. I don’t drink it because I want a lot of brown liquid to pour down my throat. This is taking a specialty and turning it into a commodity.

Some may argue that coffee is so expensive anyway getting a large cup is somehow better value for money. Don’t kid yourself. The gross margin on a coffee is close to 100%. Increasing the size of the transaction simply reduces the overhead for the supplier and thus delivers it more profitability. Why do we put up with it?

Finally complaint number 3: why does it take so long? I know there is a coffee process and you can’t deliver a coffee in less time than the process requires but somehow in France bar staff can multi-task. They can take money, serve sandwiches and make coffee in parallel so that people get served quickly. We don’t seem to be able to do this here, witness the queues at motorway coffee shops and at the in-store coffee shops at our up-market supermarkets. It doesn’t improve my coffee experience if I have to watch several other people being served before I can make my choice.

And this is my big complaint. You can have your 540 choices and large portions. I just want a small Americano with cold milk on the side or a single espresso. But please: can I have it a little more quickly.

Finally: check out http://bit.ly/h8YYcV for another coffee rant.