You get what you pay for: experience with osteopathy.

Wednesday is the day I set my alarm and get up early, at 0730, for my weekly cardio Zoom. I neither enjoy the early start nor the Zoom itself but recognise that there is a benefit and I do go through the rest of the day feeling positive about myself.

Last week however it wasn’t plain sailing as I stimulated intense pain across my pelvic region when I was putting on my socks. It wasn’t transient either. It stayed with me as a dull ache though breakfast. I managed the Zoom, more pain lacing up my shoes, but didn’t feel too good about it.

However matters did improve through the day, Thursday morning wasn’t quite as bad and then come the evening I was able to change into gym kit easily enough so that I went along to my weekly F2F cardio session. That went fine and next morning I seemed to be back to normal, however before that I’d set other hares running.

After the Zoom session I reckoned that I should reconnect with a chiropractor who I know but when I Googled him I chanced upon an osteopath with a clinic locally and availability for Friday. I was quite relaxed about this being a problem that would go away of its own accord but I wanted to understand what it was, why it happened and whether I could do anything to prevent a recurrence. A friend had said it was sciatica which Google told me takes several weeks to sort itself out.

I turned up for my consultation. It was to be a 45 minute slot because I was new and I’d be charged £80. That’s a lot but I noted that the osteopath, let’s call him Mr O, runs a clinic in London where the charge would be £100 so I didn’t feel so bad about it.

It didn’t start well when not only did I find that Mr O was wearing a Covid mask but that I was required to wear one too. Mr O even instructed me on how to wear it properly. And this came after I’d filled in an extensive questionnaire about my recent Covid history, or lack of. I appreciate the need for continuing care where Covid is concerned but felt that it didn’t help my engagement with Mr O when I could not see his face, just his eyes. And given the information rich nature of our discourse I found this a serious disadvantage.

Mr O then subjected me to an intensive grilling regarding my medical history, worthy of the Stasi or a DHSS claims assessor, even though I’d already filled another form in to that effect. He discounted the notion that I might have sciatica. Then it was down to business: ‘take your clothes off’ he said.

I do not doubt the professionalism with which Mr O conducted his analysis of my posture, the state of my muscles and the degree of mobility in my joints. He told me what he was observing some of which I understood but some was couched in such specialist language that it was almost meaningless. And all the time I could just see his eyes.

Then it was down to business. There were clearly issues to be addressed and that would require a reengineering of my bone structure. But before he did this he explained the risks starting with a the probable return of Wednesday’s symptoms (it happened!) and ending with a one in a million chance of some quality of life threatening event. All the time with me just seeing his eyes. He morphed from Mr O to Dr Death! I accepted his recommendations and with three or four massive shocks to my skeleton it was over. Time to get dressed and pay my bill.

What next? Any exercises I should practice? No but I might want to sign up for another full hour in the new year (at £100 a time). What about a short email summarising your diagnosis? No that would cost you more. I think that’s what annoyed me most. I’ve had physiotherapists carefully explain what they’re doing and send emails recommending what I should do as follow up. And of course within the NHS every patient has the right to view his or her medical record and every communication between GP and specialist is copied to the patient.

As predicted my aches returned on Saturday but faded through the day and now on Sunday I’ve just been to the gym and didn’t think twice about putting my socks on after my shower afterwards. So all OK then but did those three of four seismic shocks do any good? Was it worth it? How can I ever know?